Why I Love You Weird Fucks

0

Image

 

Ok, so to those of you that don’t know, WordPress has a feature that tracks traffic to this blog, isolating specific sections of where the traffic is coming from. I have long noticed that there are some odd search engine terms used to find my page, so i thought I’d take a minute to highlight these. Below you will see the verbatim search term typed into the search engine, and the number of hits the term has garnered. Make no mistake, I’m not trying to insult any of my readers, just sharing some laughs.

All Time Search Views

victor crowley 11
the legend of victor crowley 4
victor crowley legend 4
victor crowley true story 2
is victor crowley real 2
the story of victor crowlry and his family 1
bayou beavers hatchet 1
why can’t victor crowley die? 1
real storey of victor crowley 1
mary beth story of victor crowley 1
bayou beavers 1
victor crowley hatchet 3 1
bilder zu adam greens hatchet 1
was victor crowley real 1
who is victor.crowley 1
is the movie about victor crowley real 1
what did the name of victor crowley come from? 1

Holy Shit! Thanks to Adam Green, I have this blogs most popular posts! I guess the Hatchet Trilogy is even more popular than i thought. It seems not a day goes by that the Hatchet Article (http://doctorhavok.wordpress.com/2013/08/01/the-legend-of-victor-crowley/) isn’t viewed at least once.

black bride insidious 4
insidious bride in black 3
bride in black insidious 2
picture of black bride demon from insidious 1
who was the bride in black from insidious based on 1
black veiled bride insidious 2 1
black bride insidious 2 1
bride in black insidious 2 1
insidious demon 1

No real surprise that the Enigmatic Black Bride from Insidious would capture such attention. With a 3rd installment in the Franchise in the works, I’m eagerly awaiting what comes next. http://doctorhavok.wordpress.com/2013/09/17/insidious-will-go-further/

the howling marsha 6
marsha quist naked 6
marsha quist 3
the howling marsha and bill 2
cybills tits in howling 2 1
the howling marsha quist 1
marsha quist sexy 1
marsha quist campfire scene 1

I guess you Fiends really do love you some Werewolf tits ;)

andre rand 2
willowbrook staten island documentary 1
bodies on staten island those of missing mentally retarded children 1
documentarie on willow brook mental hospital 1
andre rand trial 1

It seems that True Crime still gets a fair amount of attention as well. I should remember that… Would any of you Fiends read articles on famous serial killers? Comment below.

http://doctorhavok.wordpress.com/ 4
how high street horror is invading the home 3
terror trailers of the 80s 3
small town sheriff 3
terror trailers of the 80′s vol. 2/ 1981 2
friday 13th2 final girl high quality 2
the howling haunt of doom 2
jason voorhees 2009 unmasked 2
color me blood red poster 2
danielle harris 1
the will and testament of rosalind leigh sonunda ne oluyor 1
+aderton house/ movies 1
slither drinking game 1
rick baker worldpress 1
ed a lorraine warren films 1
ed and lorraine warren 1
ed gein analysis 1
where is rob bottin now 1
silvarbullet film 1
how can tall man get killed by orb 1
howling the rebirth 1
terrible prison scenes 1
nostrodamas night of the demons 1
camp crystal lake 1
lucio fulci grim reaper 1
cannibals table 1
anthropophagus soundtrack 1
evil dead 2013 screen used props 1
cannibal woman dinner 1
film about a family who hang up their victims on meat hooks as meat in basement? 1
gif annie slit throat 1
regan macneil face 1
dario argento deep red midget 1
the beast in heat movie 1
the howlıng 1981 1
how far is milwaukee escape from crystal lake 1
irreparable damage film joe d’amato 1
elisabeth brooks the howling 1

Pretty much exactly what I would have expected…

mother son incest 5
horror movie nudity gore bisected 3
mothersonincest 2
film mom son incest 2
burial ground 1981 naked scenes 2
nasty doctor videos 2
leprechaun nude 2
honted home fuck movie 2
dead graveyard striptease 1
kid fuck mother 1
incest mother son 1
mondo cannibale where is preggo eating scene? 1
son mother inscent 1
asian mother son incest photo 1
film sex zombie 1
nudie puzzle 1
rotic night of the living dead 1
adult tit suckling 1
incest mom and little son pictures 1
incest doom 1
fuckingandtalking 1
girl has sex in a spooky house free porn 1
felissa rose nude 1
big tits adult movies name in youtube 1
mother and son incest pictures 1
fuck me film 1
doctor fucking patient in home when he going to home fucking very hard 1
groped in cinema 1
suckle tits 1
ride or die couples tumblr 1
cane whip punishment nude tumblr 1
sexual sadist, killer nipples 1
brutally mutilated tits 1
incest ground 1
doctor fuck in his kitchen 1
explicit nudity with torture from soft porn horror movies 1
sex tit 1
doctor fuck pt 1
extreme lesbi 1
gif tits squeeze violent 1
doctor santa fucking video 1
up naked tumblr 1
incest son spy story 1
lilyan chauvin nude 1
actress groping actor dick 1
film rotic egypt 1
rotic movie 1
nipple blades 1
sucking boobs 1
doctor’s silent fucking video 1
cheerleader prostitute fuck pictures 1
hidden fuck 1

What I SHOULD have expected! Horror fans are apparently all big Giant Perverts! And I Love Ya! From now on, I think i might start tagging every post with “Incest” just to get higher hits!

This next section is search terms that stood out amongst all the other madness.

oh look i’m impaled 2

How the fuck did two people type that completly random sentance into a search engine, and wind up on my doorstep?

kat dennings 1

I tagged her because I’m in love with her and her tits. God i want her. I’m almost ashamed of all the things i want to do to her…and anyone who knows me knows I don’t feel shame… What does that have to do with anything? Nothing. I just love her. And her tits.

cryptid tits 1

Who doesn’t want to see what Sasquatch tits look like?

nazi exploitation dominatrix 1

Would the Nazi Regime have gained as much ground had Hitler known that the Third Reich would become closely associated with S&M porn after their defeat?

cannibalistic humanoid doctor who 1

I can’t help but imagine how many pissed off Whovians there would be if things went off on this tangent…

chickwithadick 1

Speaks for itself, i think

doom moore porno 1

Pretty sure he meant Demi Moore… Fuck it’s annoying when people can’t spell.

young maid herring fucked 1

“And you must consummate your union…wiiiith…..A HERRING!!!” *Dramatic Music*

tara reid rough 1

Because Fuck that Nasty Bitch! She was the only blemish on the otherwise perfect Sharknado

mickey mouse have sex with girls 1

Makes me think of the guy in the Mickey Mouse Costume raping a girl, but refusing to break character. *In Mickey Voice* “HaHa! You’re not going anywhere, bitch! Mickey’s gonna tear that pussy up! Haha” Just then, Goofy kicks the door in, drops his pants and says “Hyuck! Shotgun Anus!” …..I might need professional help…

http://www.satanic,monsters,gores,witchcrft,cults, with evil porns.com 1

This would be the greatest domain name of all time…I may try and register it.

arousing n scary stories with porn n horror n intense fucking 1

Anytime someone replaces the word “And” with the letter “n”, i read whatever they’ve said in a Hillbilly voice.

fat and big chud 1

I assume this person meant Choad…

sex scene cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller sex 1

…On the other hand, there may be a growing market for C.H.U.D. porn…

Unknown search terms 786

786 Search terms were Encrypted and i have no way of knowing what they are…If what i’ve seen so far is any indication, they were probly VERY interesting! Thanks for reading, thanks for searching, thanks for being perverts and weirdos, but most of all…

Thanks for being my Fiends!

Casting Couch Carnage

3

Image

Special Thanks to my dear fiend Cary Hutchison for lending me this DVD. 

Leave it to Takashi Miike to start something out as a potentially sweet story and turn it into something dark, seedy and unsettling.

 Arigato Takashi-San…Arigato!

Shigeharu Aoyama is a middle aged Widower who decides to get back into the dating pool in a unique way. He and his friend Yasuhisa Yoshikawa stage an Audition for a film role, but actually use it as an opportunity to scope out young talented Japanese girls. Sure enough he finds an Angel-Voiced Asami Yamazaki who stands out because of her “Emotional Depth” and starts dating her. Now, anyone who stands out based on their Emotional Depth has to be a complete psychopath…and Asami doesn’t disappoint.  Feeling uneasy about the situation, Yoshikawa begins checking the girls references, finding them all to be dead ends. Ignoring this, Aoyama continues seeing Asami. She lives alone in a dilapidated flat, with an ominous sack laying in the middle of the floor. She sits patiently for days on end waiting for the phone to ring, and when it does, a sinister smile creeps across her face. Image

The film takes several bizarre turns that  must have been done for the sake of artistic license, but can come across as confusing. Stick through it and you will be rewarded with an unintentionally funny yet sadistic finale. In Audition we see the twisted genius of Miike on display for all to see. A Surrealist Sadistic portrait of modern dating, sexual frustration, and wanting to be loved. Have you ever been smitten with someone despite every instinct telling you to run fast and far? If so, this film is for you! 

…This film is also for you if you like seeing sadistic torture punctuated by adorably cute dialogue. 

An Overlooked Evil

0

Image

Sinister is a victim of poor timing. Released between the similarly titled Insidious, and the blockbuster The Conjuring, it was somewhat eclipsed and i was surprised that it didn’t receive more attention. Of course, I saw it on opening weekend, and was shocked to find the screening room empty aside from myself. Recently I watched the film again with some close friends, and gained a new perspective on the film. The plot concerns an infamous true crime writer who is searching for his next hit. His glory days are behind him and he has two very toxic habits, moving to the sights of Grisly murders and upsetting the community by dredging up painful memories and pissing off local law enforcement, and also dragging his family along with him and putting them under tremendous strain. Having moved into a new Murder House, Ellison Oswalt begins researching the Murder of the family who previously lived in the home. While unpacking, he stumbles across a box of Super 8 films in the attic which turn out to be films of the murders, as well as other murders from different locations. The deeper he delves into the mystery, the more he learns he may be wrapped up in something…SINISTER! (Fuck it, I had to)

Sinister, film

In Sinister we see a profoundly selfish man who puts his family in jeopardy for the sake of his own glory, despite telling himself and his ever-suffering wife that it is so that he can tell the stories of the dead. Vanity disguised as Nobility. When the creep factor begins to ramp up, and strange occurences happen around the house, everything seems alien and strange to Ellison…why wouldn’t it? He just moved in and isn’t familiar with his new house yet. I thought it was a nice touch, making him look lost in his own home. The use of the Super * home movies was quite possibly the best use of Found Footage I have seen in quite some time. It plays into the plot without wearing out it’s welcome.

Sinister_-_Photo_2

The film itself is more creepy than scary…but it is VERY creepy! Watching the film in an almost empty screening room was an unsettling experience. You wouldn’t believe the shadows that are cast in that setting. Watching it with friends was another unique experience, as i got to watch their fear build and grow. Watching in a group, i noticed that some of my friends felt compelled to voice some of their reaction to plot holes. “WTF? The killer has access to his house! Has been there since he’s moved in! WHY IS HE STILL THERE?!?” Admittedly some of the plot holes did become a bit of an elephant in the room. Regardless, this is still a very strong film with very enduring creep power. It might have been overlooked on it’s initial release, but i predict this film will find it’s audience by acting as a jumping on point for new horror fans. I can easily see younger kids watching this movie and it scarring them for life :)

Let’s Get Nasty: The Burning(1981) and, Cannibal Apocalypse(1980)

0

TheBurningfinal

The Burning is and shall remain a part of my regular rotation of films, because it is a virtually perfect slasher film…even though it is a total rip off of Friday the 13th…which itself was a total rip off of Italian Giallo films. For anyone who is getting tired of me making references to Giallo films, seriously…GO WATCH GIALLO FILMS, and see where North American Slasher films found their mojo. I already reviewed the film for my #31DaysOfHorror project: (http://doctorhavok.wordpress.com/2013/10/03/31daysofhorror-october-2nd/), so I thought this time i would delve into the censorship history.  Most films on the Nasty list as reasonably self explanatory in why they were targeted. Usually these films have Cannibals, Zombies, Rape, and other assorted perversions…and they generally seem to be European-made. How then did an American-made slasher make the grade? It seems the whole thing was due to a mix up. The uncut version has two scenes which the BBFC asked to be trimmed,  specifically,  Cropsy’s frantic mass-murder spree in the raft massacre sequence and the sight of a pair of scissors piercing a woman’s flesh in the post-title sequence. The Brittish Video Label Thorn-EMI was happy to release a trimmed version in order to receive certification, but released the uncut version by mistake, leading to this being one of the films that was successfully prosecuted.

the-burning-disfigured

2001 saw an uncut version released in the UK, and Scream Factory has released a special edition Blu-Ray/DVD (http://www.shoutfactory.com/node/216909). As expected, nobody Stateside seemed to have much of a problem with the film and it has been available uncut since it’s initial release. If you enjoyed this film and want a thought provoking companion piece, check out the 2009 Documentary “Cropsey” (http://doctorhavok.wordpress.com/2013/11/18/cropseys-gonna-getcha/)

 

Cannibal_apocalypse_poster_01

Cannibal Apocalypse is better known as Apocalypse Domani, and most accurately as Invasion of the Flesh Hunters. If anything can be said of the events in this film, they certainly aren’t Apocalyptic. Sounds like someone was trying to cash in on Cannibal Holocaust.

The film opens with a Flashback to the Vietnam war, where a soldier named Hopper(John Saxon) is bitten by a POW named Bukhowski, who happens to be infected by a virus which makes those infected crave human flesh.

cannibal-apocalypse-1

Years later in Atlanta, Hopper is haunted by nightmares of the war. He is contacted by Bukhowski out of the blue. Hopper blows off his old buddys request to go for a drink so he can almost bang the slutty neighbor girl. Meanwhile, Bukhowski pulls the crazy Vietnam Vet routine, goes nuts, fucks shit up, and the craziness spreads.  In a lot of ways, it kind of reminds me of the plot of First Blood… Moral of the Story: Leave Vietnam Vets the fuck alone!

The biggest crime in the film is that the slutty little neighbor bitch didn’t get exploited more. all she gets is a little nibble on the leg? C’mon! At least fuck her to death then eat her corpse! What a waste. Well, not a total waste. The film definitely has it’s charm and is well worth a look.

11374494_ori

Visually, the film looks great. The technical side of things is top notch, and the gore is awesome, even by today’s standards. Saxon was cast due to his initial interest in the unusual story twist. Unaware it was an Italian exploitation movie on cannibalism, he soon lost interest when made aware but had already signed and committed to the picture. He has claimed never to have watched the movie and was fine with its banning in the UK, claiming it was foul and in bad taste. It is also claimed that Saxon’s subdued performance in the picture was due to his recent divorce and financial strain thereof. I think it was disappointment at not getting to fuck the neighbor slut.

 

“Wer” has this film been all my life?

0

Image

 

When i was very young, probably in the first grade, I came across a book examining the history and folklore surrounding Werewolves. For the life of me I cannot remember the title, but this was my first exposure to the Legends and Superstitions surrounding Werewolves, making them more than just Movie Monsters to me. Here were different superstitions from all around Europe, “Historical” accounts of some rumored to be Werewolves, like Peter Stubbe, a chapter on how to become a Werewolf, even going so far as to describe an elaborate ceremony to conjure evil spirits with whom to beg to be made a Werewolf(Wait, what? Seems a little heavy for a children s book), and also Chapters describing diseases that might explain some of the Werewolf hysteria, such as St. Anthony’s Fire, and Porphyria. Ever since then, I have always believed that even though the Movies may not have gotten it right, that Werewolves really do exist.

WER is a much needed shot of adrenaline to the Werewolf film genre. It’s greatest trick is keeping the wolf element to a minimum and focusing on the madness within men.  The film opens as Found Footage, showing an American family camping in the French Countryside, soon they are attacked and brutally slaughtered by a savage creature, leaving only one survivor barely clinging to life.  We snap back to traditional film style and learn that due to a bizarre description given by the surviving woman, what was originally considered an animal attack is now being investigated as a Homicide. Through exposition, we learn that a very large and strange looking man who lives in the vicinity of the camp has been arrested under suspicion of the crimes. And here we meet Talan Gwynek.

wer-banner

 

I won’t spoil what happens next, as you really should check this out for yourself, but what i CAN tell you is that a good portion of the film plays out like a crime drama. We see the defense team for Talan trying to prove he could not have commited these crimes by proving that he suffers from Porphyria, and also examining how this couples with the Lunar Effect. When things finally do get savage, we see a decidedly non-lupine Werewolf on a rampage.

WER-banner-726x248

 

Throughout history there have been numerous accounts of Werewolves and similar creatures  from all over the world. These stories are drastically far removed from the Werewolves we have seen in films. It’s nice to see a film finally bridge the gap in a way that makes it easy to suspend disbelief…well, except for that whole “Fall-10-stories-and-be-fine” part…

We’re going to the Grindhouse, and you’re riding SHOTGUN!

0

Image

Before i get too far into this, I feel i need to say that this is quite possibly one of my favorite films EVER! Not only have a seen the film many many times and surely many more to come, but i make sure as many people as possible watch it as well. In fact, I’m reasonably sure i barged in on two friends who had JUST finished having sex, popped the dvd in, and made them watch. Fun times.

 

Image

 

Prior to the release of the Rodriguez/Tarantino helmed Grindhouse double feature, word had spread that several “Fake Trailers” would be created for exploitation films that did not exist. Producers also opened a contest for fans to submit their own “Fake Trailer”, with the winning entry being tacked on to select screenings of Grindhouse. Emerging triumphant was a gritty, low-fi entry entiltled Hobo With A Shotgun, directed by Jason Eisner from Dartmouth Nova Scotia. For anyone who hasn’t seen the original… http://youtu.be/1LlazPgxKrA

After gaining a buzz and some backers, production began on a full length feature. Oh yeah…RUTGER HAUER agreed to play the Hobo with fantastic results! After arriving in Hope Town via riding the rails, the Hobo quickly learns why the locals call it Scum Town. Scum Town is controlled by a violent psychopath named The Drake, and his two sadistic sons, Slick and Ivan. Everywhere he looks, the Hobo sees violence, and chaos. Confessing “People don’t go wrong like they do here”, eventually the Hobo can stand it no longer and gets himself a shotgun. He sets out on a mission to clean up the streets and deliver justice…one shell at a time!!!

photo_03

Aside from the absolutely awesome senseless violence and copious amounts of blood, this film can boast a few genuinely sweet moments. The Hobo befriends a hooker named Abbey who ends up being an amazingly strong character.  The Hobo seems to suffer from some degree of mental illness, and after being shown kindness by Abbey, he deduces that Abbey should be a school teacher to “teach people about beautiful things, and miracles”.  Not wanting to beg for change, and desiring a chance to make an honest living for himself, the Hobo desires to buy a second hand lawnmover and start his own lawnmowing service with Abbey joining him. Most of the sweet moments are depicting the characters covered in blood, so it doesn’t let you stray too far away from the point.

Hobo-with-a-Shotgun-Ivan-Nick-Bateman-Slick-Gregory-Smith

Where the film truly excells is its insane dialogue. With lines such as “Well you better cut one to Mother Theresa, so you can give it to her while she’s finger-banging you in Hell!”, and “WOOOOOO! It’s a beautiful day for a SKATE RAPE!”, you can see why the villains of this film wind up stealing the show and adding hilarity at every turn.  Insanity, strange lighting, Canucksploitation, and rampant violence drip from every frame. Setting the film in the 80s was absolutely the right move as it adds a fantastic bloody authenticity to the film. And who can forget…THE PLAGUE!!!

hobo-with-a-shotgun-the-plague

 

The Plague is a mysterious hit squad used by the Drake. Not much is revealed about them, other than how incredibly badass they are…but their appearance gave me an idea… Since the finale sees the Hobo gunned down by police, the credits roll with us assuming he has died…but what if The Plague take him? What if they make…ROBO-HOBO?!? After what we’ve seen so far, would that really be much of a stretch? That is a sequel i eagerly await…but won’t be holding my breath for.

 

 

It’s Just A Dirty Black Summer

0

Image

“Someone had to go this far…” -Marilyn Manson

 

Every so often you’ll run into a horror fan who thinks they are all badass because they could sit through Cannibal Holocaust. August Underground’s Mordum is what i make them watch next. Mordum is the sophomore entry in the AU trilogy, and is notoriously known as the sickest entry. Presented as the depraved home videos of serial killers and shot by the killers on shitty handheld cameras, Mordum is a disturbing ride through the depths of hell. To go over the plot would almost be futile for two reasons. 1) Most of the plot concerns the commiting of unspeakable attrocities…well, Actually, I’m perfectly comfortable repeating them, I just think the film is best viewed for yourself. 2) The details of the plot…really don’t matter that much as the film flows from one unsettling and disgusting scene to the next. 

Image

If depictions of graphic violence, brutal murders, wanton mutilation, rape, incest, cannibalism and necrophilia aren’t enough to make your skin crawl, the filming technique blends seamlessly with the special effects to make what we are seeing hyper-realistic. For all i know these could have been the most basic gore effects ever seen…but when filmed with Mom and Dads shitty Handicam, you can’t tell the difference. One can easily be forgiven for mistaking this film for an honest to goodness Snuff Film.  In fact…While traveling to Canada to attend the Rue Morgue Festival of Fear in Toronto, co-director and writer Fred Vogel was arrested, pending charges of transporting obscene materials into Canada, when copies of Mordum and its predecessor were found by customs officials among the merchandise he had intended to bring to the convention. The charges were dropped, after Vogel had spent roughly ten hours in customs prison, and his films were sent to Ottawa for further observation. He should have gone to Vancouver instead. I’m sick of Toronto always getting the cooler Festival of Fear over Vancouver!!!

Image

The exploitation film database The Worldwide Celluloid Massacre has Mordum ranked as the third most “vile” film viewed by the website, below Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom, and The Angel’s Melancholy. The review of the film (which is categorized as “worthless”) referred to it as “pointless hardcore depravity”. I really can’t argue against that too much. Having said that, I suppose the point is the shock itself. It forces you to feel something, whether it be disgust, contempt, mirth, or arousal…it is impossible to watch this film and not be effected. The August Underground Films are to Horror Films what GG Allin is to Punk Rock. Sometimes we need some crazy-blood-drenched-shit-smeared rebel to make such a disgusting and visceral display, if for no other reason than to show us that what we previously thought was too far, is nowhere near far enough.

Image

 

*smooches!*