King Of Monsters



*BIG FUCKING SPOILERS AHEAD!!! (Although, if you can’t guess what happens in a Godzilla movie by now, i should probly come over there and hit you over the head with a Tack-Hammer)*

31. Before 2014, there have been 31 Godzilla films. consider the scope and magnitude of this for a moment. A film legacy like that is truly the stuff of legends. Debuting in 1954, Godzilla has been portrayed a number of ways and has fallen in to the realm of cliche many years ago, but at the heart of the character, has and always will be an allegory for the misuse of atomic energy and the perils therin. 1950s Japan still felt the sting of the Atom bomb attacks on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and had just received a memory refresher when a Japanese fishing boat was exposed to the Bikini Atoll weapons test, leaving the fishermen with radiation poisoning. Godzilla (More accurately known as Gojira) is a personification of the growing fears of a Nation, that would one day grow to encompass the Planet.


There is a reason that the original 1954 film holds up to this day, and it sure wasn’t because of the sweet Monster suit.  Eventually, American studios decided they wanted to take a stab at making a Godzilla film, with plans for a 1983 3D version being scrapped early on, and 1994 attempt being shelved part way through production. Then came 1998…Third time’s a charm, right? Fuck No.


The less said about that hunk of shit the better. It was so bad that Toho studios bought back the rights, and the ’98 designs, renamed it ‘Zilla, and explained it wasn’t really Godzilla, that some idiot had just confused a lesser monster for Godzilla in the film…then went so far as to have Godzilla kill ‘Zilla in “Final Wars”. Enter Gareth Edwards. A relative unknown with only one full length film to his credit, 2010’s Monsters. If you haven’t already seen Monsters, please do check it out, and you’ll see why I breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing he was attached to direct. Simply put, the man knows how to properly bring appropriate life to monsters while making sure the human stories don’t get lost in the massive shadows cast.

Our story uses the first third setting up the story and establishing the back story of the Monsters. Yes, Monsters. We will see Kaiju Battle! Rather than give you a detailed description of the intricate(though not complex) events, I’ll give you the basics. Mankind’s use of atomic energy have awakened an ancient creature referred to as Gojira, and along with him two Parasites referred to as MUTO who feed off of atomic energy. The two species seem to be closely linked, but through somewhat ambiguous means. They explained it, and I was paying attention, but it still wasn’t really clear. De Facto Japanese Science dude Ishiro Serizawa (Ken Watanabe) theorizes that Gojira might be natures way of “restoring the balance” and that if left to his own devices, he will hunt down and destroy the MUTO. Of course, that’s exactly what winds up happening, but as he puts forth this theory, I couldn’t help but ask myself “what the fuck is he basing this on?” We are given no evidence that Gojira will behave this way…if anything I would assume Gojira would be pretty pissed at humanity after we tried to stuff a 15 kiloton Nuclear Bomb up his ass the last time he showed up. But I digress…

Along the way we get a good performance by Bryan Cranston who plays Nuclear Plant supervisor Joe Brody who lost his wife in the meltdown triggered by a MUTO years ago and becomes obsessed with finding out the truth in the wake of the coverup that follows. Brody’s son Ford ultimately becomes our hero, but i found it hard to become invested in him. Which leads me to my biggest gripe about the film. The Humans. Cranston does a fine job, and despite some questionable character direction, Watanabe is also good(I think it’s just because his accent sounds cool as shit), but other than that, i found it nearly impossible to connect with any other person in the film. Not only was there no emotional investment, but i found them all just a little too accepting of what’s happening. One scene shows a large crowd of people fleeing a Muto attack, the city literally crumbling around them…might as well be the world as they know it collapsing as they are being attacked by a gigantic creature that shouldn’t exist…only to run right smack dab into Gojira, and even bigger nightmare! Their brains should be screaming at them that this can’t possibly be happening…THIS CAN’T BE REAL!!! Instead, the whole crowd just turns 90 degrees and keeps running. I would have expected at least a who people to be frozen with fear, or suffer a complete mental break. Not all, just some…but the most we get from people is just panic. I know i’m knit-picking with this example, but the majority of my problems I had with the film began and ended with the humans. Then i realized that there could be no more perfect metaphor.


“The arrogance of man is thinking that Nature is under our control”

As in the original film, the catalyst of all the trouble is mankind meddling with a power that is too great, trying to harness a force of nature. The weakness is humanity, and that cannot be illustrated more plainly than beholding the sheer might of  Godzilla. He is the personification of our worst fears in an Atomic age, Powerful, unpredictable, destructive, and unstoppable. It’s a heavy realization to sink in, and this film is not afraid to kick you in the teeth in a few more subtle ways as the disasters depicted in the film recall some of the more grimly iconic moments from recent history. The ruble and dust clouds from skyscrapers crumbling in the streets echo the chilling visions of the 9/11 attacks, the tourist resorts washed away by tidal waves remind me too much of the handheld footage from the Boxing Day Tsunami, and the destruction of the Nuclear plant, well it doesn’t take a genius to see shadows of Fukushima. Even the Military basically knows they cannot succeed. Their only shot is to use a manually armed nuclear weapon to lure the Kaiju away from civilians, and detonate. They know full well that these creatures feed on radiation, and that their only hope is that the payload of the blast itself is enough to kill them…but it’s really just a guess. Before deployment the troops are briefed that there is no extraction plan. “You walk out of there or you aren’t going home”. When you consider how gung-ho and cock-sure the Military usually is, it’s rather grim to see them approach a situation pretty much saying “Yeahhhhh….so this probly isn’t gonna work, but we have to try SOMETHING…so let’s just hope for the best?”. The Military are not the heroes, but helpless on-lookers, as terrified and enthralled by the Kaiju-battle as we all are. Forced to watch, Petrified and in awe of events and things that are bigger than them. Impotent with their man-weapons and Stars and Stripes patches. I can’t help but think this to be a comment to Americas Interventionist failures.

My only other gripe with the film is minor. I wish Gojira had been more of a menace to mankind, rather than go into his protector role so early. I wanted the unyielding force of nature to punish our foolish world for daring to toy with a power so great! But with all the other grim allegories within the film, I completely understand why he was made or Savior. We needed hope. We needed to know that yes, terrible things will happen. Some are because of mistakes we have made, others are beyond our control. But maybe with a little well placed help we can be put back on the right path? Fuck it, I’ve had enough of metaphors. Less story, more huge monster battles! Let’s see updated versions of Anguirus, Rodan, Gigan and King Ghidorah!

Sure, there were a few things that bugged me, but overall i felt this was a really strong film. The visuals are amazing as well as the sound! THAT ROAR THO!!!!!  It feels like Godzilla was finally done right by Hollywood and hopefully we can look forward to many more sequels. And hopefully you’ll take this chance to check out the 31 other films in the Gojira catalog. Some get a little silly…like Gojira throwing the weirdest looking dropkick in history, as well as doing a victory dance…but show me ANY film series who has that many entries doesn’t start to run out of good ideas.


Thanks for reading, Creeps!

Illuminating the Shining



Where to begin with this film? Aside from stating that Kubrick’s The Shining is one of my favorites of all time.

If you haven’t seen this film, go watch it this very second. Finished? Great, now go watch it a few more times. You back? Ok, now what if i told you that you still haven’t watched this film enough to grasp everything that is going on here? Go read Stephen King’s novel. Now go study the works and life of Stanley Kubrick. And I mean STUDY!!! Now go study the history of Colorado, and of the Genocide of the American Indians, and the Holocaust, and the Moon Landing. How is this all relevant?  Because Stanley Kubrick seems to have had a LOT to say when he made this film.


On the surface, the film differs greatly from King’s novel while still keeping the general concept, setting and characters. The film opens with a beautiful shot showing the picturesque drive up the the Overlook, set amidst an ominous droning score peppered with flourishes that almost sound like ghostly whispers. We are introduced to Jack Torrence, charged with serving as the Winter caretaker of the Overlook Hotel in Colorado. With him is his wife Wendy, and young son Danny.  Danny has a powerful yet uncontrolled pychic ability referred to as Shining which allows him to see “ghosts” of traumatic events from the Overlook’s past. As the winter months wear on, Cabin fever sets in and Jack slowly spirals into madness. Kubrick portrays this chillingly through the use of his score and the deranged performance of his star, Jack Nicholson. The “Thousand yard stare” of Jack as a faint yet persistant “ringing” sound capture the mood perfectly.


There are so many frightening elements to this film that to get into them would involve a shot for shot description of them, and it STILL wouldn’t do the magic of this film justice.  You truly need to see this film for itself. It is a masterpiece on the surface…and then there is what lies beneath. Since Kubrick has never come right out and said “Hey, here is all the weird hidden messages and in-jokes I put in this film”, we will likely never know the full extent of his intentions. A good place to start, for those who need a little help with peering behind the curtain is to watch the 2012 documentary “Room 237”.  The film includes footage from The Shining, and other Kubrick films, along with discussions by a number of Kubrick enthusiasts. The film has nine segments, each segment focusing on different elements within the film which “may reveal hidden clues and hint at a bigger thematic oeuvre.” Some of the elements touched on are references to the genocide of the American Indians, The Colorado Gold Rush, The Holocaust, coincidences and tricks within the films continuity, and in what is most interesting to me, the allegations and possible hints that Kubrick helped fake the Moon Landing footage and used this film as  sort of “confession”. Keep in mind, Kubrick was an unusually meticulous film maker, so if it appears in his film, it is not an accident.  There are three Labyrinths within the film. The hedge maze outside the Overlook, The Overlook itself, with it’s twisting and turning corridors and impossible layout, and lastly, the film itself is the most complex maze of all. 


Once you start digging into the hidden meaning of the film, you could literally go on and on forever. There are so many layers and elements that once they are illuminated, we may never be the same. That is the true Shining. But just remember, “All work and no play, make Jack a Dull Boy”.  If you enjoy this film entirely on the surface, then by all means, take it for what it appears to be, and your experience will still be great. Please keep in mind when delving deeper…no matter how sure we may be about a hidden meaning, it is all just specualtion that can NEVER be proven… “It’s just like pictures in a book Danny, It isn’t real”

This one time, at Bible Camp…



“Jesus probly had a big penis, so I think it would only be Christian of us to have sex with guys with penises like Jesus.”

This is the actual opening line for the film, recited by a couple of idiotic sluts who I assume are supposed to be in their late teens, but look much closer to 30. This is EXACTLY the kind of ridiculousness you can expect over the next 90 mins. BBBC is yet another 80s slasher throwback that will never be accused of taking itself the least bit serious. The plot concerns a pastor taking a group of 80s rehash cliches to a weekend at the Happy Day Bible Camp, only to be warned by a local yokel that it is famously known as the Bloody Bloody Bible Camp and was the site of a rampage by a crazy Nun in a Devil mask named Sister Mary Chopper. Naturally, these warnings fall on deaf ears and…I bet you can literally guess EVERY detail of the plot that follows. It makes use of every cliche and stereotype possible…and I love it!


For as simplistic as the film is, it’s surprisingly well thought out and makes great use of limited sets and what I assume is a very limited budget. While each character is a blatant cliche, each is played well enough that we never have to ask ourselves what their deal is. They are easily identifiable, because we’ve seen them in countless other films before. Why waste time on character development when there are Gore-gags and sex jokes to get to?


And there are PLENTY of both. Naturally since there is a priest, there are going g to be many many jokes about priests getting frisky with young boys. I can’t help but wonder though…you hear an awful lot about Priests fucking young boys…but you don’t seem to hear much about them fucking young girls. Is it just that it doesn’t happen? I would think young girls would be better than young boys…because if you want, you can flip them over and pretend they are young boys…holy shit this got off track… Uh…GORE!


This is never going to be called a “good” film, but that doesn’t stop it from being an AWESOME film! I love that the market is seemingly flooded with films like this. Fun films made BY Horror fans, FOR Horror fans. I will likely watch this one again and again for years to come, and I urge you all to check it out as well.

…Oh yeah, I almost forgot…A GIRL GETS BUTTFUCKED WITH A CRUCIFIX!!!!

Till next time, creeps!