Let’s get NASTY: The Cannibal Man, and Cannibal Terror

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I don’t know who it was who was tasked with watching this film to decide whether it was “Nasty” or not…but I really wished they had done a better job. Had this Chap bothered to watch the whole film back then, I wouldn’t have to sit through this hunk of shit now!

This 1972 Spanish film, directed by Eloy De La Iglesia, opens in slaughterhouse, and shows several live cows strung up, and exsanguinated(Fantastic word! If you don’t already know it, learn it, and use it often). A fitting opening for any film sure to be as visceral and demented as to rank among the Video Nasties, right? Fuck no. Our main character works in the Slaughterhouse, and believe it or not, the opening credit sequence has more bloodshed than the rest of the film combined.

Our main character, Marcos, is taking a cab home with his girlfriend, but the cabbie won’t let them fuck in the car, so he kicks them out and demands they pay the fare anyway, sparking a fight that sees Marcos accidentally kill the cabbie. Naturally Marcos wishes to keep this a secret, but his girlfriend, who was the only witness, wants to go to the police…so of course SHE has to die…but as the film goes on, more people become suspicious, and also must be killed to keep them quiet…thus arrousing more suspicion… You get the idea. And just to make sure the inclusion of the slaughterhouse wasn’t TOTALLY pointless, Marcos uses it to dispose of his growing pile of bodies. NOT ONCE DOES HE FUCKING EAT ANYBODY!!!

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I freely admit that I got bored frequently while viewing this, and started fucking around on my phone, but I seriously doubt I missed anything of great significance. Fuck this movie! I mentioned earlier that I doubt the DPP censors were paying attention when reviewing this film…I bet you anything they just saw the title, and the opening Bovine Bloodletting and immediately threw this in the Nasty bin. And what the actual fuck is with that title? I thought I was in for a story of an Urban Cannibal living in modern society, with scenes of gut-munching applenty. As it turns out, the original title of the film is La Semana Del Asesino, re-titled as The Cannibal Man for international release. Sure…why the fuck not?

Had the film gotten a different title, it likely never would have wound up on the Nasty list, as they seemed to have a real hard on for anything with Zombie, Cannibal, Power Tools, Don’t…, and “Where is the house in relation to something” in the title. This wouldn’t be the first or last time a film was guilty by association, as Toby Hooper’s Death Trap was likely deemed Nasty because of the association with Texas Chainsaw Massacre(more on Death Trap in a later entry). Hell, with a different title, I may have enjoyed the film. My expectations surely wouldn’t have been so out of whack. Call me crazy,but I think Cannibal films should be gory, subversive and totally exploitative… Speaking of which…

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Fuck yeah! Directed in 1981 by Alain Dereuelle, this French film shares a staggering number of similarities with the Jesus Franco directed Mondo Cannibale…and its no surprise. Franco was an uncredited “writer” for Cannibal Terror, but seems to have much more of an active role. If you watch both CT, and MC, not only will you notice a startling number of the same actors, and dubbing actors…but much of the exact same footage…and not even very good footage at that. They even manage to repeat the same footage several times in the same film…withing 30 seconds of itself!  Seems Franco was pulling his favorite trick, filming multiple features at the same time all the while leaving the unsuspecting producers to foot the bill. Apparently several of his actors found out years later that Franco had starred them in films for which they had no knowledge of, let alone been paid for. At any rate, both of these hilariously similar films are terrible, yet Cannibal Terror is regarded as “The Good One”, simply because Mondo Cannibale is the worst cannibal film ever made.

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Yup. THESE ARE THE CANNIBAL TRIBE! Dude on the left looks like Steve Perry from Journey. And it gets better…when they are depicted feasting on the flesh of a woman, it is clearly a pig carcass they are tearing up. You can see the trotters. Any time these poor excuses for Cannibals are on screen, I’m laughing my ass off. Its fucking great! It’s like they decided the bare minimum effort would be good enough.

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The plot is pretty flimsy, but it could be worse. Two bumbling criminals botch a kidnapping, and along with a Hooker, flee to the jungle to hideout with a friend. Things may have been OK, but of course, one of the kidnappers rapes the wife of their friend. This seems like standard exploitation film territory, or at least it does until in the next scene, the newly raped wife is dancing and flirting with her rapist, and even encouraging everyone to strip. Now, it’s possible that her kink is rape-play…but I’m pretty sure its just the result of shitty editing and cobbleing together a feature from footage shot for a different purpose. The whole film is distinctly lacking in any kind of organic flow, or unifying logic. It all feels terribly random. Fortunately, random equals hilarious!
This is without a doubt one of the worst films I’ve reviewed in this series so far, but easily one of the most entertaining, if even for the wrong reasons.

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