A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More Cut Me! (The Loved Ones)

I fucking love this movie! The Loved Ones plays like a John Hughes teen movie for sick fucks. Sick, Twisted, Ultraviolent, Perverted Fucks! My kinda people!

*spoilers ahead*

The film begins with Brent driving with his father, and playfully teasing each other about their taste in music when out of nowhere they see a blood soaked man standing in the road! Brent swerves out of the way, sending their car crashing into a tree, killing his father. 6 months later, Brent is wracked with guilt and has turned to smoking pot and cutting himself. FEEL THE EMOTION!!!! Jamie, Brent’s token chubby friend, manages to work up the balls to ask the hot goth girl, Mia, to the school dance, while Brent politely turns down an invitation from quiet pretty girl Lola. Brent instead plans on going with his faithful and understanding girlfriend Holly, not knowing that Lola is a very disturbed girl and is accustomed to getting what she wants…

 

Because the film follows two stories, those being Jamie’s hot date with Mia, and Brent’s night of torture at the hands of Lola and her Father/Lola’s dream date, the tone swings liberally between light hearted teen movie and stomach churning horror. The violence is unflinching, sadistic and is kept simple. There is no need for elaborate death traps or contraptions, or for nightmarish instruments of torture. More disturbing that any weapon though, is Lola and her Father. When it’s time to get nasty, the Father has a manic fire in his eyes, made all the more intense by his usually unassuming demeanor. He’s not the sort who you would expect the be a hard case, until he opens up that side of him and a monster comes snarling out. When he looks at his Daughter, his eyes are filled with pure love. He would do anything for her, even routinely abduct and torture the objects of her desire all in an effort to make her warped dream of finding her Prince a reality. One scene in particular stands out. Daddy brings his little Princess a new pink dress, who immediatly goes to try it one. Turning his back to give her some privacy, Lola immediately tells him not to, she wants him to see how she looks. Pay special attention to the Father. He doesn’t want to look, because he knows that as a man, watching his daughter change is not something he should be doing. He seems disgusted with himself…on the other hand, he cannot help but look and enjoy what he sees. His daughter is blossoming into a very beautiful young woman, and he does love her so very much… For a brief instant we catch a glimpse of Lolas face in the mirror, she is fully aware of what she’s doing. She enjoys teasing him. Now with dress on, and the incestuous tease completed, she turns around, and her father remarks with Paternal pride welling up in his eyes: “Pretty as a Picture”. The scene manages to be simultaneously sweet, disturbing, and somewhat arousing.

A question I can’t help but wonder is: What would have happened if Brent, or anyone for that matter, had returned Lola’s affections? Would they have dated without incident? would it still have descended into violence? I wonder mainly because even with knowing of Lolas instability and violent predilection, had she asked me out, I would have happily agreed. “Yes. yes, you crazy, sexy bitch…i will go to the dance with you! I want to be your love slave!”  Not out of any fear of what she might do to me, but to be a willing participant. I have problems…I’ve seen this film more times than i can count over a period of around 2 years, and it still packs the same punch it did upon first viewing. I recommend it to everyone i know, and anyone who might read this as well.

8.5/10 Tombstones

Joooooin uuuuuussss……

 

I am now a member of the H.B.A, Horror Blogger Alliance!

As such, i feel it would be sporting of me to plug the other members a bit. I’m currently up to me spuds in checking some of them out myself, so feel free to check out this link: http://horrorbloggeralliance.blogspot.ca/p/hba-members-links.html and have fun!

 

*side note: I literally just joined within the last 2 hours, so my site isn’t listed on there yet*

Let’s Get Nasty! : Anthropophagus and Absurd

Directed by Joe D’Amato, this 1980 Italian horror film has several titles it is known by. In the UK, it is Anthropophagus: The Beast, in America it is Anthropophagus: The Grim Reaper, and curiously Zombie 7: The Grim Reaper. The last title would seemingly suggest that it is connected to the Zombi series of films that are themselves Italian sequels to George A Romero’s “Dawn Of The Dead”…more on that later. The word itself, Anthropophagus is a fancy way of saying Cannibal. Already we see two trends emerging within Video Nastyville, Several different titles for international release, and Cannibals. (*Hint*: If your film is about Cannibalism to the point where it seems like a good ideal to put Cannibal in the title, then there is a good chance it will piss people off)

The film was co-written by D’Amato and George Eastman, who plays the titular Anthrophagus named Mikos. It also starred Tisa Farrow, the younger sister of Mia Farrow (Rosemary’s Baby). This would be Tisa’s last film role, but the previous year she also starred in Lucio Fulci’s Zombi. The film was initially released in it’s uncut form to the UK in 1980 by VFP and soon found itself in hot water with the tight-asses of the day, and ultimately onto the Video Nasty list. For a time it was even believed to be a snuff film because of the infamous “Fetus-eating” scene. The film was successfully prosecuted although the exact date and consequence are unclear. As near as i can tell, once a film has been prosecuted for being obscene, then it would be banned from Home Video release, and the producers/distributors/dealers were subject to a fine. A Heavily edited, dubbed version was released theatrically in America as The Grim Reaper followed by a Home Video release as Anthropophagus: The Grim Reaper, and then again by T-Z Video as Zombie 7: The Grim Reaper. After a relaxing of the regulations in the UK, the film is now available once again, uncut, as The Grim Reaper.

The film itself I found to be nothing special, and as i was watching it I kept wondering “What is all the fuss about?” Then I saw the Fetus getting eaten…followed not long after by the guy who’s last dying act is to eat his own entrails…ok, I get it now. A group of friends set out  to tour the Greek islands. On one of the islands, they find the inhabitants vanished and the town in total disarray, it is here that the group runs afoul of a Mad Cannibal (A Resident of the island named Mikos, driven mad after a shipwreck with his family where he ate their corpses to stay alive), and they soon become his next victims. If you aren’t already a fan of Italian Horror Cinema, this film will be a bad choice to watch. Most seem to use a similar pacing, which can seem tedious or even boring to the uninitiated. Really, the only reason to watch this film is to see what it looks like when a Mad Greek Cannibal reaches all up inside a pregnant woman, pulls out her unborn fetus, and chows down on it. Before you get all bent out of shape about it, just calm the fuck down…they used a skinned rabbit.

Absurd is considered a “non-sequel” to Anthropophagus. D’Amato returns as director and co-writer with Eastman, who again plays a Mad Greek named Mikos. Other than that, the films have nothing to do with each other. Other titles for this film include Rosso Sangue, Anthropophagus 2, Horrible, The Grim Reaper 2 and Zombie 6: Monster Hunter…wait…if this is a sequel to Anthropophagus, which was released in the States as Zombie 7…how can this be Zombie 6? T-Z video pulled a bonehead move by trying to keep the Zombie franchise going by tagging releasing films that have NOTHING to do with the Lucio Fulci film, or it’s official sequel. How they chose which films to release as mis-titled Zombie films, i do no know, but i have a strong suspicion the only requirements were the film being an Italian horror film. I’ll be examining the bizarre non-sense surrounding the Zombi franchise when i examine the Lucio Fulci film.

Right then! And so to it! The uncut Home Video release was successfully prosecuted, but  a cut version was released in 1983 with 2 mins 23 seconds of footage removed, and an uncut DVD was released in 2010.

This time, Mikos is not a shipwrecked madman driven to cannibalism, He is a Greek citizen who has been given an advanced healing factor and driven insane by Scientific Experimentation sanction by the Church…Sure! Why not? He is pursued to America by a priest intent on destroying the madman. Mikos is thrown from a roof, disemboweled on a fence, and taken to a hospital, only to escape into the night…AND THEN BE STRUCK DOWN IN A HIT AND RUN! HAHAHAAAA!!!!  D’Amato doesn’t seem to hold Greek men in very high regard. Between Anthropophagus and Absurd, Mikos is put through endless physical abuse, and depicted as quite the monster. Maybe I’m reading too much into it.  Mikos somehow manages to make his way to the home of the Hit-and-Run drivers home and proceeds to stalk and murder those inside, including the babysitter and children.  A school of thought exists that Absurd was intended to be an Italian answer to John Carpenter’s  Halloween. While there are some similarities, one of them is not charm.  Absurd is a far less plausible story than Anthropophagus, yet manages to remain the better film. A personal highlight for me is while Mikos is stalking one of the children through the house, in the struggle, a record player is turned on which conveniently plays creepy atmospheric organ music which serves as the perfect soundtrack for the scene.  This move was used also in “A Blade in the Dark”, another great Italian Horror film. Wait…rip off sequels to American films,…off base-homages to popular franchises…re-used plot devices with other Italian films…Italian Horror films aren’t as original as I initially gave them credit for. Fuck…

Dark Night of the Scarecrow

Let’s get NASTY

Lets face it, the UK is full of odd people. Understand that I mean that in the most loving way, but I mean every word of it. For example, they have topless models on page 3 of their newspapers, yet have a long history of heavy handed film censorship and regulation. See? Utterly mad, as those Brits would say. It was because of this very practice that a list of 72 films gained instant cult status, not so much for their content, but because they were deemed too Obscene to be viewed by the public!

Back in the 1970s, when home video players/recorders first came on the UK market, there was no specific legislation to regulate video content, except for the out of date Obscene Publications Act of 1959. It was a fear of Piracy that prevented most of the major film distributors from embracing this new technology right away, prompting the market to be flooded with low budget fare. We all know the type, films that look and sound like utter garbage, often unintentionally hilarious and over the top. Italy and Spain already had a history of producing many controversial low budget films, and these would play a huge part in Video Nasty History.

The British Board of Film Censors (BBFC) had the ability to “certify” films for Theatrical release, which would allow them to be screened with a classification from their rating system. “X” was the most extreme rating they would give, meaning nobody under the age of 16 would be admitted. If a film was deemed to be obscene, it was refused certification. The only hope for it to be seen in England would be on the home video market.

The Obscene Publications Act defined Obscenity as: “That which may tend to deprave and corrupt persons who are likely, having regard to all relevant circumstances, to read, see or hear the matter contained or embodied in it”. Now, this leaves a lot of room for interpretation and was subject to the final say-so of one man. The Director of Public Prosecutions (DPP) had the power to determine if a film was in breach of the act. If so, a prosecution could be brought against the films producers, distributors, and retailers. What happens when you tell someone “You can’t do that”? They will trip over themselves while running to do that very forbidden thing. Deeming these films as “Obscenity” and restricting their availability only served the strengthen their allure and made demand for them go through the roof. Retailers couldn’t keep them in stock. Not only because the punters (lookit me using that English lingo, a wot wot?) would snatch them up quickly, but because the Police would raid the shops and seize the tapes. What?

Yes, the Bobbys were empowered to raid “video hire shops” and seize any material they suspected of being obscene. Once a film was seized, a prosecution was begun. Only a few films were successfully prosecuted, and a back log soon built up. Different municipalities had full discretion to seize any title they felt could be obscene, and as a result several films with misleading box art, or titles were seized. I’d wager any money that “The Best little Whore House in Texas” was seized each and every time. In the early 80’s, the Greater Manchester Police were noted for the increasing frequency of their raids to the Video Shops. This is because Cheif Constable James Aderton, a devout Christian advised his squads to seize not only the usual suspects, but many films that were unfairly judged to be obscene. The Video Retailers Association was alarmed at the high number of film retailers who didn’t even stock any “Nasty” films were raided and threatened with prosecution, so they asked that a list be provided of titles likely to be seized, and thus was born the DPP List.

The BBFC had far stricter regulations for films intended for public screening. Sometimes making recommendations, or in more extreme cases, demands for cuts to be made to certain films, as well as limitations as to whether certain cinemas were able to screen certain films. I suppose this was done in an effort to “limit the spread of filth”. This led to several theaters in areas not able to show films such as The Exorcist arranged bus transport for patrons to travel to municipalities that were able to screen it. How fucking cool would that be? Going on a Field trip late at night to see a Horror film so scary that the government tried to suppress it? I mean, sure…you’d go to a lot of trouble, but c’mon, that sounds like a cool way to spend the evening.

Public awareness of the DPP list began in 1982 when the UK distributor for The Driller Killer, took out full page advertisements in specialist video magazines showing the films cover, drawing several complaints from tight-asses, but whetting the appetite of the rest of us. The distributors of Cannibal Holocaust tried to use “bad publicity” in their favor by sending an anonymous complaint to the National Viewers and Listeners Association. That one backfired a bit, as the NVLA started a public campaign against the film and others of it’s kind, coining the term “Video Nasty”

Soon the Sunday times ran an article entitled “How High Street Horror is Invading The Home”, and the exposure of children to these films became a buzz topic and was even blamed for violence in youths (sound familiar?). On the other side of the fence, a formal publication of the DPP list served as a shopping list for underground video collectors as the Media frenzy ensured that more and more people were clamoring for these titles.

1984 saw the Video Recording Act come to pass, and Brittish Board of Film Censors became the Brittish Board of Film Classification. They became solely responsible for the certification of cinema and video releases, thus eliminating the need for the DPP List. All video releases after Sept 1 1985 had to comply with the act and be submitted for classification by the BBFC, but anything released before that date had to be re-classified within the following three years. Films that passed in cinema uncut were often cut for home release for fear of them “falling into the hands of children”. Supplying unclassified videos became a criminal offence, as did supplying 15 and 18 certificate videos to anyone under age. I think we can all agree that shit had by now officially become ridiculous. Distributors of some films simply opted to remove themselves from the market rather than submit for classification. Why play their game, when you know the film will only pass if it is cut to shit? The Exorcist was one of these films, while Straw Dogs was outright refused certification. With the passage of time, attitudes (and sphincters) had relaxed greatly at the BBFC and many of the films on the DPP list were eventually released uncut. A major contribution to this turn around was the departure of James Furman. After he left in 1999, nearly all titles were re-examined and re-classed. Even today, with greatly relaxed standards, the BBFC still demanded 49 individual cuts, resulting in 4 minutes 11 seconds of film time being cut from A Serbian Film, and refusing classification altogether to The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence.

Now, what will follow in my periodic updates of this column, is a review and discussion of each and every film on the DPP Video Nasty List! Each review will include a bit of the prosecution history of each film as well. I should also mention a curious fact i discovered while researching these films… Most of the European made films have multiple titles for international release so if you are looking for any one of the following films and can’t find it, it couldn’t hurt to check IMDB or wikipedia for any alternate titles.

1. Absurd

2. Antropophagus

3. Axe

4. The Beast In Heat

5. The Beyond

6. A Bay of Blood

7. Blood Feast

8. The Ghastly Ones

9. Bloody Moon

10. The Boogeyman(1980)

11. The Burning

12. Cannibal Apocalypse

13. Cannibal Ferox

14. Cannibal Holocaust

15. Cannibal Man

16. Cannibal Terror

17. Contamination

18. Dead and Buried

19. Eaten Alive

20. Man from Deep River

21. Delirium

22. Devil Hunter

23. Don’t go in the House

24. Don’t go In the Woods

25. Don’t go near the Park

26. Don’t look in the Basement

27. The Driller Killer

28. The Evil Dead

29. Evilspeak

30. The House of Straw

31. Faces of Death

32. Fight For Your Life

33. Flesh for Frankenstein

34. Toxic Zombies

35. Frozen Scream

36. The Funhouse

37. Gestapo’s Last Orgy

38. The house by the Cemetary

39. The House On The Edge Of The Park

40. Human Experiments

41. I Miss You, Hugs and Kisses

42. I Spit On Your Grave

43. Inferno

44. Island of Death

45. Killer Nun

46. The Last House On The Left

47. Night Train Murders

48. Living Dead At Manchester Morgue

49. Love Camp 7

50. There Was A Little Girl

51. Mardi Gras Massacre

52. Night Of The Bloody Apes

53. Night Of The Demon

54. Night Warning

55. Nightmare

56. Possession

57. The Dorm That Dripped Blood

58. Mountain of the Cannibal God

59. Revenge of the Boogeyman

60. The Slayer

61. Snuff

62. SS Experiment Love Camp

63. Tenebrae

64. Night School

65. The Toolbox Murders

66. Unhinged

67. Visiting Hours

68. The Werewolf and the Yeti

69. The Witch Who Came From The Sea

70. Women Behind Bars

71. Hell Of The Living Dead

72. Zombie

With 72 films, i think that should keep me, as well as you, dear reader, busy for quite some time… But just in case, here are a few more films that were banned but were never officially on the Video Nasty List:

Maniac

Mother’s Day

The New York Ripper

Straw Dogs

The Texas Chainsaw massacre.

Some titles commonly seized but neither prosecuted, banned or making the Nasty list are:

Ultimo Mondo Cannibale(released as Cannibal)

City Of The Living Dead

Zombie Holocaust (Hint, if it has Holocaust in the title, it probly pissed a few people off)

La Lupa Mannara (Werewolf Woman)

Blood For Dracula

Dawn Of The Mummy

Blue Eyes Of The Broken Doll

Madman

Terror Express

The Prowler

Basket Case

Night of the Seagulls (don’t laugh, it’s the 4th installment of the awesomely done Blind Dead saga)

Fuck…I’ve got a LOT of movies to watch. If anyone reading this watches any of these films, i’d love to hear your thoughts on them or any feedback in general. Other than that, dig in to a helping helping of hellishly horrid films!

The Crazies

I still have scars on my arm from seeing this in the theater. My idiot Girlfriend at the time was so scared she gripped my arm so tight her nails cut me. I hope this film haunts her dreams. Bitch…

Tentacles of DOOM!