What scares me is what scares you. We're all afraid of the same things. That's why horror is such a powerful genre. All you have to do is ask yourself what frightens you and you'll know what frightens me. – John Carpenter
I may as well reward those who have been waiting for this Sinful Tongued Devil to return.
Detroit fucking sucks. There, I said it. It has sucked for a long time, and now that the city is practically dead, Horror filmakers have been handed a gold mine for location shooting. Curiously, very few have taken advantage, but Fede Alvarez would not be one to miss out on the chance to turn an already bad situation into something twisted and dark.
Our story concerns 3 Go-Nowhere-White-Trash youths who have taken to robbing people’s houses for a living. Presumably the Drug Dealing bubble burst, and none of them can carry a rhyme, so B&Es are pretty much their only option. After just enough background on the kids is shown to solidify me not giving the top layer of skin on my ballsack about them, they get wind of a job too simple and lucrative to pass up. An old man, living alone in a deserted neighborhood, with a huge amount of cash stashed in his home. To make the deal even sweeter…he is BLIND! Easy money, right? Weeeeellll….
Dude happens to be a Deranged Army Vet with a traggic past and a very twisted secret that ensures he will stop at nothing to protect what he feels belongs to him. No spoilers, but do yourself a favor and check this out as soon as possible. The Atmosphere conveys the tension of the scene extremly well, and the violence is brutally realistic. The Kids must keep quiet to avoid detection, so naturally nobody can keep quiet. Every sound is potentially fatal, and the Silence is made all the more ominous because of it. Stephen Lang brought his badass boots to set for this one! He manages to pull off a tough role in that be plays someone who has a major physical handicap, and a sad story in his past, which you would think should make him pretty sympathetic. But Lang knows that there is a very dark secret the old man is hiding in that house, and his body language reflects it. Even when we first see him on screen, something seems off about him…almost like he makes my Spider-sense tingle.
The only flaw I can find is that I didn’t care about the kids, and I didn’t care about the old man. They all deserved very bad things to happen to them, so watching these bad things unfold didn’t do anything for me except make me giggle a lot. But the Turkey Baster spot… Holy fucking FUCK that Turkey Baster spot!!!! I know to bring it up is kind of a spoiler, but go fuck yourself, it’s been out long enough and people have been mentioning the Turkey Baster all over social media. Goddamn, I was howling with laughter when that spot happened. Pure disgusting gold!
Here we have another nearly forgotten gem, burned into my memory from my days of exploring the VHS aisles. Long before I would be allowed to rent such a film, I was fascinated by the incredible image on the cover. Was this person turning into a Werewolf? Or was a wolf literally trying to escape from within? How did it get there? I didn’t pick up on metaphors very easily as a young lad, it seems…I didn’t even make the Little Red Riding Hood connection that was staring me right in the face. Young me must have had ADD. Since it’s gone so long untreated, i think it’s only proper to give me all the drugs for it now. I’ll catch up.
Everyone knows the cutesy version of fairytales, Red Riding Hood, the Big Bad Wolf, etc… and most of us have heard the bloody original versions which seemed to be told to scare children out of harms way. Boil away everything but the subtext of Grimms tales and the message is mostly “Kids, don’t do dumb shit, or associate with sketchy people, because you will get raped and die, MAYBE in that order.” Despite this we tend to hold these tales in a special place in our mind. They are instantly familiar, yet so often forgotten. This film is a perfect example of those qualities. Equal parts anthology film, graphic fantastical retelling, fever dream, and erotic nightmare. The film unfolds within a dream where the characters tell various stories, which in turn unfold for the audience, all for the dreamer to wake to see her dream come to life. It’s a bit strange, and not the most easily accessible, but well worth the ride.
Angela Lansbury plays “Granny”, who knits the Red Riding Hood, and tells the majority of the tales, and she is just a fucking joy to watch. Anytime she is on screen I can’t help but hum the “Murder She Wrote” theme to myself. Also a joy are the FX work and transformation sequences. Clearly the filmmakers paid careful attention to folklore when dreaming up the visuals. Unibrows and salves, and such abound! The telling of these classic fables through the mesh of human sexuality is somewhat jarring yet oddly fitting. So much imagery in the film doesn’t make sense and is totally wrong, such as Pythons and Reptiles chilling in a French Forrest, but they work within the dreamlike-fairy tale atmosphere
Released several years after the trifecta of Wolfen, An American Werewolf in London and The Howling, I totally understand how this film went a bit under the radar. For Horror fans young and old, The Company of Wolves should be considered Must-See cinema, but is best viewed with an open mind. Lacking in Gore and Gratuitous Nudity, as well as the usual cheap thrills, the film more than makes up for it by positively dripping with Nightmarish atmosphere.
Well Hot Damn! It feels good to be back! It’s been nearly a full year, but I promise I’m coming back with a new bag of tricks! Well, actually none of this shit is new…just stuff I haven’t used before.
This year’s #31DaysOfHorror will take a look at the works of two of the Masters: John Carpenter and Rob Zombie. Various entries will examine their films, and I’ll be taking a look at their recent “Feud”…and believe me…I have some fucking Venom to unleash on you fuckers.
You can also look forward to seeing original video content being included in a select few posts, as well as special guests. Welcome back, and enjoy the ride!
Well, Here we are again Friends and Fiends…It’s October and with it comes my annual tradition of watching at least 1 horror movie every day and sharing my thoughts with you, dear readers. This year, i flipped back and forth between various theme ideas, finally settling on…none. This year will be made up of small quick reviews of the films, and at least one longer review a week. In the interest of paying Tribute to the recently departed Master of Horror, These longer reviews will for the most part be centered around his films. I’ll Update this post accordingly as the month progresses.
Oct 1: Trick ‘R Treat (2007)
When you are a kid, the required viewing is Monster Squad and Ernest Scared Stupid. When you reach your teens, it’s Halloween and Trick R Treat. Nothing gets me more in the mood for my favorite Holiday than this film. After 8 long year, It is finally getting a long overdue sequel and I could not be happier. Long live Sam!
Oct 2nd: Sorority House Massacre (1986)
A perfect film for those of you who felt that Slumber Party Massacre was too feminist. It has more Boobs than Slumber Party, and more shoulder pads than The Road Warrior. Have you ever heard the term “80’s Hot”? It means someone who was allegedly a total knockout in the 80’s but who looks anywhere from “Average” to “like a Dumpster fire” now. Familiarize yourself with this term…it will come in handy for viewings
Oct 3: Piranha 3D (2010)
No excuses, I was up all night drinking and taking drugs, and I wanted to watch something fun. Jerry O’Connell plays a fantastic unlikeable douchebag, and Porn Stars make great horror fodder because they have no problem getting their tits out and being ripped open. Shame about the Brittish chick though…she genuinely seemed to like Jake and was totally rad…not like Kelly. Damn she sucked. Shitty creature features. And how great was Christopher Lloyd??? Actually pretty sub-par as far as acting goes…but c’mon, it’s Doc!
Oct 4: They(2002)
AKA Wes Craven Presents: They. I wanted to watch some Craven, and grabbed this one by what can only be described as drug hangover error. Fuck this movie. Fuck the annoying girl who stars in this movie and fuck the writers for making something as horrible as Night Terrors into something this lame.
Oct 5: Cursed (2005)
Alright, now we correct the wrong. Wes Craven can not only be considered one of the Masters of Horror, but also the Master of modern Meta-horror. New Nightmare and Scream were groundbreaking in bringing a self awareness to Horror cinema that had been largely absent except for when done as parody. Cursed id a film where Craven tries to do for Werewolves what Scream did for Slasher films, and what New Nightmare did for the notion of still being scared by films. The problem is that if fell way short of the mark. Production issues and changes to the tone that worked so well in Scream are mostly to blame, but despite all of this, I believe there is still enough going on to call this a good movie. It begs the question of what happens when Werewolf shit starts happening in a world where not only are the players fully aware of Werewolf movies, but they are within Hollywood themselves. Not exactly actors, but Entertainment agents, publicists, Night Club owners and the like. The self awareness is on point, but there is a level of pessimism and snarkiness that kills it. The acting is fine i suppose, certainly not oscar worthy, but believable for what it is. The look of the Werewolf is about what you would expect, but the CGI is pretty abysmal. This is an example of why CGI needed to chill the fuck out for a few more years until it figured out what the fuck it was doing. All in all, I think Wes Craven had great intentions, but if you want a great self-aware Werewolf movie, go watch The Howling and see it done much better.
Oct 6: The Innkeepers (2011)
This was an oddly fun little paranormal film. High in charm but low on common sense sums it up nicely. I found myself thinking several times that the film needs more black people to point out that investigating that strange noise or poking around that dark basement might not be a good idea. Dumb white people doing dumb white people things.
Oct 7: Grave Encounters (2011)
I think it may actually be impossible for me to watch this movie in the light. Anytime I’ve gotten around to watching it, it has been in the middle of the night, and pitch black. Once I even watched it in a Cabin in the Woods, with no cell reception. Talk tough all you want, but that’s kinda scary. Grave Encounters is a found footage piece centering around a film crew who attempt to film a ghost hunting tv show within an allegedly haunted old asylum. As I’m sure you can all guess, the crew befalls ghostly shenanigans and cameras are able to capture most of it on film. If you like FF Horror films, this will delight you by making great use of the setting (filmed in the Riverview Mental Hospital in Coquitlam BC), and simple effects to elicit scares. If you don’t like FF films, or are on the fence, fuck it…give it a go anyway and you might just be converted. As as aside, at some point in the future, I hope to go exploring the abandoned Riverview Hospital at night with my friends Stephanie and Matt. It should be an awesome time and hopefully plenty of opportunities to scare the shit out of ourselves.
Oct 8: Dawn of The Dead (1978)
The Romero classic that inspired a thousand “Zombie-Apocalypse-Plans”. This gem is high on social commentary, and equally high on gore FX. After splitting with NOTLD partner John Russo, and losing the rights to the “Living Dead” franchise, Russo bounced back with quite possibly the most influential Zombie film of all time. Thanks to a partnership with Dario Argento, this classic film has a truly haunting score by Goblin and was released internationally as Zombi, which leads us to…
Oct 9: Zombi 2 (1979)
Alright, so Fulci was already working on Zombie Flesh eaters at the time when Dawn of the Dead was released internationally as Zombi to great success. In an effort to cash in on this, Fulcis film was tweaked slightly and re titled Zombi 2. This unofficial sequel has nothing to do with the original, aside from both depicting Zombies. Years later Fulci began work on Zombi 3 (but due to health issues had to hand direction over to Bruno Mattei), and even though this time they intended it to be a sequel to Zombie Flesh Eaters, the two films once again had nothing to do with the other aside from both featuring Zombies. Confused? Just wait…certain countries or distributors would release even further unrelated films as Zombi sequels, sometimes even films with no Zombies in them at all. The best has to be the America imprint T-Z videos, in the 90’s they released Zombie(Zombie Flesh Eaters), Zombie 2(the exact same film again), Zombie 3: Return of the Zombies(aka The Hanging Woman, 1973), Zombie 4: A Virgin Among The Living Dead(1973), Zombie 5: Revenge of the House Of Usher (1982), Zombie 6:Monster Hunter(aka Absurd, 1981, a pseudo sequel to Anthropophagus, and having nothing to do with Zombies), and finally…Zombie 7 (aka…Anthropophagus, 1980, and still having nothing to do with Zombies. After all that mess, this still remains an awesome film. The Zombie effects are great, the Zombie March score by Fabio Frizzi is amazing, the splinter in the eyeball gag is stomach churning, and the iconic scene where a Zombie and a Shark duke it out may be the coolest fucking scene ever put to film.
Oct 10: Creepshow (1982)
Stephen King teaming up with George Romero can’t help but be campy over the top brilliant fun, and that is exactly what this film is. I’ve always said I would have preferred if the Creep had taken a more active role as a host/story teller, but I can always watch Tales From The Crypt for that. No Halloween is complete without this film.
Oct 11: The Editor(2015)
Astron 6 score yet again with their over the top satirical send up to the Italian Giallo films. If you aren’t in the know, go watch The Hatchet Murders, and A Blade in The Dark(my personal favorites). This is a tale of Murder and intrigue on a film set where figurative and literal backstabbing is the order of the day. Caught up in the middle of this is a brilliant film Editor fallen from Grace and a…troubled detective who is determined to get to the bottom of things. along the way there is more slaps to the face of women and hilariously awkward sex scenes than you can shake a black leather glove at. It’s brand new, but will surely be a new Halloween classic!
Oct 12: Friday the 13th IV(1984)
Nothing screams Halloween more than putting on a mask and going door to door slaughtering teens for having the sex that you aren’t having. Whenever stores go into “Halloween Mode” for the season, there will always be 3 constants, Pumpkins, Candycorn, and cheap knock off Hockey masks. Michael Myers might have a film series named for the Holiday, but sheer body count and overall campiness of the series gives the crown to the real King, Jason Voorhees!
Oct 13: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors (1987)
After the failed experiment of making Freddy a body-jumping metaphor for homosexual urges in Part 2, Wes Craven supplied a story that brought Freddy back to where he belonged. Here we start to see the emergence of the wisecracking jokester that Kreuger would become best known for, while still being a terrifying figure as well. As interesting or laughably bad as any of the Nightmare films are, the real magic comes from watching Never Sleep Again: The definitive Nightmare on Elm Street documentary. The behind the scenes stories from this series are incredible!
Oct 14: The Omen(1976)
Haight-Ashbury mysticism turned dark in the 60’s and begat Psychedelic Satanism, which evolved into full blown Satanic panic in the US during the 70’s and 80’s. As such, the world received 3 fantastic films involving children falling under the influence of Ol’ Scratch, The Exorcist(ok, so it was Pazuzu, but the fucker called himself the Devil, and so that’s what audiences took away from the film), Rosemary’s Baby, and The Omen. If you have never seen this film, do yourself a favor and watch it…but then be prepared to finally recognize what a thousand other films or tv shows have made reference to before. Just like the seed of satan himself, this film has sneakily infiltrated our collective Pop-culture subconscious and is working it’s dark influence over us all.
Oct 15: Tales From the Crypt: Demon Knight(1995)
Holy shit, Billy Zane is incredible! Why the fuck did he not become a bigger star? Oh yeah…because he did “The Phantom”. Well, here we have what may be his finest role before, or since. Watching this movie is like a never-ending game of “Hey, it’s…”. Nearly the entire cast either went on to much greater roles, or used to have greater roles…a real group of “usedtobes” and “Notyets”
Oct 16: The Final Girls(2015)
Can’t say enough good things about this film! I went into it expecting a self aware Horror comedy that had enough tributes to slasher classics to keep me interested the whole way, but what i got was a subplot with a surprising amount of emotional depth. The film follows Max, a young woman grieving the loss of her mother, a famous scream queen from the 1980s, who finds herself and friends pulled into the world of her mom’s most famous movie “Camp Bloodbath”. We’ve seen Meta-Horror quite a lot these days, but this still felt fresh and authentic…even if slashe “Billy” resembles something from Clubb Dread more than Friday the 13th. My only complaint is some of the camera angles and movements were a little too…assholeish…I want to say. Maybe they were trying to duplicate the bad 3D photography of Friday the 13th part 3…or maybe the Cinematographer is just a complete fuckhead.
Oct 17: The People Under The Stairs(1992)
Wes Craven movies are like pizza and sex. When they are good, they are REALLY good! When they are bad…eh, they are still pretty good…and I’m still going to finish. The People Under The Stairs was supposed to be a “New Kind of Horror Film”, a socially conscious update to the Haunted House story by way of Urban Karma. Confused? so is this movie, everyone involved, and most who have seen it. I first saw this film when I was far too young to understand things like poverty, Racial oppression, what the word Nigger meant, what a Ghetto was or why people just milled around in hallways of said Ghetto doing drugs while dogs fought to sexy saxophone music, and I certainly didn’t understand why anyone would wear a full body Gimpsuit. Despite all this, my young self thought this was a frightening film full of peril and menace. Adult me has a bit more to say… The idea of a Haunted House with no actual ghosts is intriguing, especially with hidden doors, secret passageways, people living in the walls… but the execution of the whole thing feels like a Zany Cartoon. You’ve got a young boy breaking into his landlords home to steal a gold coin collection, only to find out he has stumbled into a Madhouse of incest, child abuse, cannibalism and religious fanaticism…and mutilated children penned up in the basement. Everett McGill is a fucking treasure as “Daddy” and is genuinely the best thing that could have possibly happened to the film. The story makes little sense, the dialogue is horrid, and his character wears a gimp suit to hunt one of the children who now lives in the walls, but McGill plays it super serious and puts so much spirit into the role. Most of his screen time is spent in a gimp suit and screaming in rage, or getting his ass kicked by one of the Mighty Ducks.
The intended message gets lost very quickly, but we are left with a fun film all the same. If someone were to try and pitch this movie today, they would be laughed out of every studio. People Under The Stairs is a relic from an era when Wes Craven was one of the most marketable brands in horror and may be one of his most un-usual films. Here we see his attempt at re-telling a classical fairytale as a R rated 90s horror film. It’s a hard sell, to be sure, but even Craven himself doesn’t take the film to seriously. The People Under The Stairs never quite became the cult classic it deserves to be, but looking back on it now through those trusty Nostalgia Goggles, the themes remain troublingly prescient and perhaps now is the time for the cult to take off.
Oct 18: The Crazies(2010)
I have the tiniest scar on my left forearm. I can really only see it after I’ve tanned up good an proper. I got it in a movie theater when I took my idiot then-girlfriend to see this 2010 remake. She was in such sheer terror that she had my arm in a death grip the entire time and her nails sliced into me. She was the worst. As far as the film goes, it’s decent enough…essentially a zombie outbreak movie dealing with a rapidly spreading virus rather than dead rising from the grave. The best part of the film in my eyes is that the suspension of disbelief is very easy. It’s far fetched, but it all seems like it could happen…or will happen soon.
Oct 19: Howl(2015)
This was a a great build to a disappointing finish. The Plot involves an Overnight Passenger train in england which breaks down and is besieged by Werewolves. Nobody is reinventing the wheel with this film, but it’s simple and effective. The passengers on the train are just fucking terrible to the point where I’m happy when each of them gets chomped. I was particularly excited when I got a glimpse of the creatures. When seen in the shadows with their eyes reflecting moonlight, they look amazing…then they walk into proper lighting and the whole thing goes to fucking hell. Can’t win em all, I suppose…still it’s well worth a watch.
Oct 20: My Bloody Valentine(1981)
True Rules to surviving a Horror movie:
Avoid Holidays. All of them. Avoid anniversaries of deaths or tragedies…or of anything at all, really.
Let your teenagers party as much as they want, and let them do it in your home. This way they won’t have to sneak around in remote places to drink, fuck and smoke dope.
If you are a teenager, BE A TEENAGER. Don’t be one of these mi-late-20’s lookin motherfuckers.
If your small town has some terrible tragedy in its past, get the fuck out of Dodge. Move to the big city and go back to school. Better yourself.
If you find yourself in a love Triangle…just tap out. give up, find someone different, you’ll thank me later.
I love this movie. I have nothing more to say aside from the classics become a classic for a reason.
Oct 21: Jacobs Ladder(1990)
Maybe the scariest thing about this film is that Tim Robbins is apparently supposed to be sexy in this. Jacob’s Ladder is an allegorical tale about what happens within our mind when we are near death, by way of a conspiracy/Drug trip/opening the doors to hell film. When you watch it, I swear it’s not that confusing. It was a little annoying when the narrative/timeline would change suddenly though. It leaves us not sure if what we are watching is a flashback, a dream, or the true reality. It all balances itself out in the end and has enough fucked up imagery to keep me entertained…but I’m pretty sure my time would have been better spent by watching Altered States instead.
Oct 22: Zombeavers(2014)
This movie is the best thing to happen to Zombie films in years! Zombies are waaay too over exposed in the current pop culture climate and this is just the film to get me to enjoy the genre again. Everything you assume about this movie is exactly as it plays out. It’s bloody, idiotic, and a fucking blast. Why are you reading about it when you could be watching it?
Oct 23: The Loved Ones(2009)
Very few films can match the utter delight I get from this film. We’ve seen plenty of films with psychotic/incestuous/murdering families, and the tropes are pretty well worn territory. The Loved Ones turns those tropes on their ear by adding the Fairytale Princess angle to the mix and giving us a story that falls somewhere between a Teen Coming of age comedy and a slasher film. Brent is an oh so angsty teen with a lot of emotional baggage who finds himself kidnapped and tortured and by his secret admirer, Lola and her Daddy. Lola and Daddy are amazing, both characters delivering shit-your-pants scary performances while also adding a vulnerable and loving side to their characters, somehow makes them all the more terrifying. What really surprised me is in reading interviews with Robin McLeavy(Lola), she indicates that she hates horror films, saying she is not a fan of the violence or gore. You’d never know it by watching the crazy twisted bitch she portrays on screen…
Oct 24: Chillerama(2011)
Regular readers have likely seen me review this film to death in the past. Simply put, it’s fucking hilarious. If you like classic Horror films, Offensive humor, cum jokes, and Cinematic send ups, and lets’s face it, if you don’t like these things you are reading the wrong blog, then you will love Chillerama. Not only does the film never seem to lose it’s re-watchability, but it may be one of the most quoteable films I’ve ever seen.
You owe it to yourself to have something this fun and weird in your life.
Oct 25: Mr Jones(2013)
This was a weird one. It’s a pseudo found footage film that features some truly creepy scarecrows made by the mysterious Mr. Jones. He’s a recluse and has a creepy house with underground caverns and such…and you’d think from the trailer that this is one of those “Weird guy kills those who snoop around his property” kinda deals…
…yeah…they don’t do that. They pull a Jeepers Creepers and take what started off as a simple and promising plot, throw a huge twist into it and completly lose me. On the plus side we do get some unusual cinematography and interesting portrayals of how the main characters experience nightmares. The movie wasn’t terrible, and I suppose it is worth checking out for yourself…but I was really expecting something different.
Oct 26: Monster Brawl (2011)
For anyone who doesn’t know, Pro Wrestling is my OTHER passion in life, besides Horror. I’ve loved both as long as I can remember, and this past weekend (Oct23rd and 24th) I got to go on tour with the Mouth of the South, Jimmy Hart!
Naturally, I got him to sign my copy of Monster Brawl, and am happy to report that he may be the coolest cat who ever walked the earth. If you are going to have a film that depicts the most famous monsters from the realm of Horror competing against each other in an all out deathmatch to see who will reign supreme, it’s a no brainer to bring along one of the most iconic figures in all of pro wrestling along for the ride as well. Story? Fuck story! Like Pacific Rim, this is a Saturday Morning cartoon come to life. Pour yourself a bowl of Count Chocula and enjoy.
Oct 27: Tales Of Halloween(2015)
Just in time for our favorite Holiday, we have a brand new anthology film featuring ten spooky stories set on Halloween night in the same suburban American town. There isn’t a frame piece like in other anthologies, and I think the film would have benefited from one, or maybe some kind of spooky host…I guess I’m a sucker for the classics. Very quickly the film has garnered such high praise as being “The best Horror Anthology since Trick ‘R ‘Treat” by Fangoria, and “Among the best Halloween themed Horror films ever made” by Dailydead. After seeing for myself, I would have to say the film is very worthy of such high praise. There are certain films that are required viewing every year on Halloween. When you are a kid they are Hocus Pocus and Ernest Scared Stupid, and when you are a teenager and onward, it’s Halloween and Trick R Treat etc. Tales Of Halloween fits nicely between the two, a rare film that is spooky Halloween fun for all ages.
Oct 28: Night of The Demons(1988)
The more I think about it, this may be my favorite Horror film from the 80s. Just the right amount of cheese, Terribly bad dialogue, a kickass soundtrack, well placed nudity, and dripping with Nostalgia. Years later it would be remade, and I am happy as hell to report I have never seen or heard anything about the remake. Do you understand the effort that requires from someone who compulsively seeks out any and all info he can find on any and all Horror films? Despite the fashions, slang, music and tons of other things being dated as fuck, this film still holds up incredibly well because of the party. It’s a mismatched group of friends who get together and party in an old spooky house. It’s a night of scares, booze, dancing and sneaking off to have sex in coffins. How does that not sound like the perfect way to spend Halloween?
Oct 29: The Green Inferno(2013)
It took waaaaaay too long for his film to see a proper release. Im not sure if it was delayed because of content or studio/distribution politics, or whatever…but ever since i heard that Eli Roth would be directing a spiritual successor to Cannibal Holocaust, I’ve been on the edge of my seat waiting for his film. The story is pretty simple, a group of university social justice warriors/aspiring political activists make a trip to the Amazon in n effort to stop a slash and clear operation that was planning to wipe out a specific portion of rainforest as well as the indigenous tribes who dwell within who have supposedly never had contact with outsiders. After their mission is a success, they hop a flight home, only for the engines to fail and the plane to crash. The few survivors are captured by the natives, and treated as hostile invaders. The rest is full on Cannibal Exploitation fun. If you have seen Cannibal Holocaust or Cannibal Ferox, you have a pretty good idea the carnage that waits the poor fools, but rather than balls out flesh eating madness, Roth manages to squeeze in a nice it of commentary about our society as well. The best part by far, was seeing that little Ginger bastard from Spy Kids get ripped apart. Holy shit I could watch that on repeat for days!
Oct 30: Demoni(1985)
Can we all take a minute to appreciate how unintentionally hilarious this movie is? Fuck I love it! Poor dubbing and overacting aside, what really gets me are he group of punks. Their performances and dialogue are amazing. With such gems as “It’s not MY fault, Ripper!!!” delivered in a strange incredulous high pitch, to the manic and cocaine fuelled agro-outburst of “Pick it up! Every last grain!” I can’t get enough of these piles of cheekbones and hairspray. On top of all that, they are snorting cocaine from a Coca-Cola can. Genius! Sheer unadulterated genius!!!
Oct 31: Halloween 3: Season Of The Witch(1982)
What can I say? Fans of Michael Myers hate this film, but it eems to finally have found it’s audience. The spirit of the Holiday drips from very part of his film about Evil druids using a mixture of science and magic to bring back the traditions of Samhain through cursed masks…sort of. I’d be lying if I said this was a great film…in truth, it’s just ok. But it’s got just enough charm and wit to be one of my Halloween staples every year.
This brings to an end my #31DaysOfHorror for this year, and it’s been fun. I had intended to review a few more Wes Craven films, but I just didn’t get round to watching that many. I kept my choices more or less random, depending on my mood at the time. Before this marathon, my posts have been fewer and farther between, and I’ll admit that it’s because I’ve been lazy, and because it sometimes felt like a chore. Doing shorter reviews allowed me to have a bit more fun with the process, so think I may take a similar approach going forward…maybe not shorter per se…but playing around with things more to have fun with it. Stay tuned to see where this leads us. Thanks for reading, and Happy Halloween!
The hype machine can either make or break many a Horror film, but occasionally there are films that for certain reasons are immune to these effects. It Follows was hyped as “the Next Babadook”, immediately making we weary. The Babadook was such a uniquely special and strange film that the idea of capturing lightning in the same bottle twice seemed impossible. As it turns out, Director David Robert Mitchell captured lightning in an entirely different bottle…but at first I didn’t think so.
The premise is simple enough, our Heroine, Jay, goes on a date only to have sex and then be drugged and tied to a chair. Sounds like a pretty good time so far? Keep reading, it gets weird. Upon waking, she is informed by her date that he had been cursed, and now he has passed the curse to her through sex. This curse means she will be followed by a creature visible only to those cursed. It will always look like something different, usually taking the form of whatever will help It get close to you. It will always be walking towards her in a straight line, and it will never stop. If It touches her, It will kill her that then It will follow whoever gave the curse to her. The only way to save herself is to pass the Curse to someone else by sleeping with them.
I’ll try to keep the rest of this as Spoiler-free as possible, because It Follows has a lot of layers that are worth unraveling for yourself. After my first viewing I remember thinking that I liked the film, but that it hadn’t come close to the hype…but there was something about it I couldn’t get out of my mind. I can’t explain it, but somehow I knew there was SOMETHING about the film that I had missed. Something that made me uneasy. I don’t recall feeling that anything in the film was scary…but it stayed with me. It Followed. I needed to watch it again, this time focusing on the background and not as much on the story, trying to find what had set me so on edge. I felt like the first time I watched Kubricks The Shining, trying to find the hidden clues and unravel the hidden secrets…
The first clues I found in the first scene. We see a young woman running out of her house wearing heels, short shorts, and a tank top. From her attire and the lush green grass and trees around her, we think it’s Summerish, right? As she loops back around to her house, we see the lawns across the street are littered with the telltale signs of fall. Dead leaves, barren trees and even Pumpkins on the porch. Doesn’t quite add up… Later, we see our main character, Jay, swimming in an above ground pool, which we can see damn well is not heated, or at the very least is not heated well. then the same evening on her date, we can see that she, her suitor and everyone else in the theater are wearing heavy coats. Later, Jay and Kelly are wandering the neighborhood clearly dressed for chilly weather, but behind them we see the lush green grass again.
If she needs to dress like Miss Pumpkin Spice Latte 2015, there is no fucking way she would also go swimming in that above ground pool! Then i started noticing that more than just the weather didn’t add up…the Time period this film exists in doesn’t seem to exist either. Nobody has cellhones, or even cordless phones…yet that one girl has the weird clamshell e-reader gimmick. We see brand new modern cars alongside brand new vintage cars, Home decor that looks like a strange hodge-podge of 50’s and 70’s, old clunker tv sets that only show black and white programs, yet we catch glimpses of modern appliances as well such as stainless steel fridges with ice-makers. It’s all very subtle but little details like this will make it almost impossible to get your bearings. It all seems normal enough, but you won’t be able to shake the feeling that something just isn’t right.
This film has really surprised me by packing a surprising amount of depth into what is on the surface a clever way of saying “Hey kids, be careful who you fuck”. There are so many layers that to fully explore everything in this review would be such a tedious read, so I will cap this off for now, and revisit things again later once more people have had a chance to see it. Please do yourself a favour and watch this film several times. Share it with others and feel free to email me with questions or comments. I look forward to seeing the legacy this film builds for itself.
Watch enough Horror films and you notice Trends. Trends eventually become tropes, which eventually become cliches. Cliches lead to parody which begets apathy. Once things went down this road, most fans and critics wrote off the slasher genre as outdated and passe. Then something interesting happened. Wes Craven brought self awareness to the game. The Scream films, and even his earlier New Nightmare, to some extent, allowed audiences to revisit old territory with new twists. Whether you are a fan of the Scream films or not (personally I am not), it cannot be denied that their self awareness revitalized and preserved the sub-genre. Final Girl has much of that same spirit, though applied much differently.
The concept of the Final Girl appears in almost every slasher film, depicting the one girl virtuous enough to avoid the obvious death traps of sex and drugs and overcome her vulnerabilities in an empowering battle of wills with the killer, whom she will ultimately triumph over (more or less). Director Tyler Shields tells us a visually entrancing story of an orphan girl who is trained to fight maniacs by a man who has lost his family to “Bad Men”. Veronica positions herself to be the perfect bait, then the swiftest of executioners by beating them at their own game. The film appears to be set in the 1950s, or at least is borrowing heavily from the look for the sake of visual appeal. Further adding to the appeal is a pseudo-surrealist set design with stark white lighting, improbable use of spotlights and framing reminiscent of a stage play. It’s not style over substance, but both style and substance make very bold statements in this film.
The killers are a curious quartet of young men who get together and hunt pretty young girls in the woods. Led by Jameson, a charismatic boy born with a silver spoon in his mouth, it is implied he is used to getting his way in every scenario. To him, there are no limits. Whatever whim he has will be indulged, even those of a violent nature. Shane appears to be the Beta of the group, he is the only one with a long term girlfriend, but it is his insecurities with this relationship which feed his violent impulses. Nelson is the bland Momma’s Boy of the group. He has, what we are lead to believe is a complex, possibly dysfunctional relationship with his Mother and like many before and after, this fuels his violence towards women. Lastly we have Danny Boy. Danny is the frantic ball of unfocused energy that in later decades would be a poster-child for ADHD, but in the 50’s was just known as a Wild-Child. He is always on, can’t sit still or keep his mouth shut, and requires constant stimulation. The rush of the kill seems to be his drug of choice.
Abigail Breslin makes it very easy to forget her days as a chubby yet adorable oddball in Little Miss Sunshine. She’s grown into a gorgeous young woman as well as a damn fine actress. Her portrayal of Veronica is subtle yet intense when the mood calls for it. She is as focused and calculating as she is dangerous, but can slip into a disguise of vulnerability at will. Her relationship with her mentor William is complex as well. Their Sensei/Pupil relationship complex, similar to a father/daughter kinda deal…but not without its share of sexual tension. They are both pretty fucked up, but its clear that they need each other. It’s a fun dynamic that I enjoyed watching and enjoyed thinking about even more. Final Girl doesn’t reinvent the wheel, because it doesn’t need to. What it does is shows us a different side of the wheel that allows us to appreciate it in ways we may never have before. This highly stylized, self aware Slasher receives my highest recommendations!
If you haven’t heard about Kung Fury yet, I seriously question what you do on the internet. The brainchild of David Sandberg (Writer/Director/Star/Visual Effects Ninja), and his Laser Unicorns Production company, Kung Fury is 30 minutes of highly stylized 80’s inspired rad-ness. Inspired directly by Sandberg’s love of 80’s Action films, this short pushes all the right buttons and is the kind of throwback that many have tried to achieve but have fallen on their face while trying.
I can’t go any further without acknowledging that this film is not a Horror film by any stretch of the imagination, but it remains worth discussing all the same. Not only does this film pack enough violence and bloodshed, as well as over the top awesomeness to satisfy any fan of Cheesy 80’s horror films, but the approach and overall execution of the project should serve as both an inspiration, as well as a throwing down of the gauntlet to those who wish to make throwback cinema.
Regular readers will know that I have a Love/Hate relationship with throwback films. I love the spirit, but sometimes it just feels like the filmmakers go out of their way to be silly and the quality suffers. Kung Fury manages to cram in more ridiculousness than I’ve ever seen in 30 minutes, but somehow manages to play it straight while simultaneously not taking itself too seriously. The soundtrack is fucking epic and even features David Hasselhoff singing “True Survivor”, which may be my favorite new song of the year. Visually, this film is on another level, combining conventional photography with digital 3d animation. The finished product looks both retro, and cutting edge in the same breath. Shot almost entirely on green screen and then composited together, Laser Unicorns demonstrated that a limited budget can still generate jaw-dropping work when applied with passion and dedication. Granted, I am a die-hard supporter of practical effects being used whenever possible, but projects like this are certainly an exception. The lesson to be learned here for Horror Filmmakers is that the throwback genre is alive and well…and will now be held to a much higher standard (I’m looking at you, Mutantis…seriously what the fuck even was that?)
So what if it’s not Horror? It’s still awesome in all the ways we love and well worth a view, so without and further delay, I present: KUNG FURY!
Werewolf films are often quite stagnant. Steeped in folklore, with tropes we all know far to well, the opportunity for growth within the genre is often very rare. Then along come Neil Marshall’s directorial debut and while even borrowing heavily from other films, manages to give us a breath of fresh air. How did he do it? He didn’t make a Werewolf film that has Soldiers in it…he made a Soldier film with Werewolves in it.
Our story finds a squad of Soldiers dropped into the Highlands for a training exercise against a Special Forces group. Unbeknownst to them, they are intended to be used as bait for a pack of Werewolves in the area, in hopes of capturing one of them. As one can expect, plans go pear-shaped and the plucky squad must retreat to a local cabin and try to fend off the furry brutes. The squad is led by Capt. Harry Wells(Sean Pertwee), the second in command is Pvt Cooper, and is rounded out by Spoon, Joe, Terry, and Bruce. The bond between this group runs very deep and despite their good natured bickering back and forth, you can tell that these are men who will be prepared to lay down their lives for each other. One criticism I’ve heard is that the squad seems too calm and cool when faced with a Werewolf assault. I’m not the least bit surprised, these are Soldiers, trained to kill, trained for combat in hellish conditions, and more than that, they have each other to keep their mood light. If any of these men were to face the same situation alone, I would expect far more terror.
The beasts look very unique, and leave nothing to the imagination as to their nature. You look at these creatures and you know without a shadow of a doubt that you are seeing a fucking werewolf. Not some escaped Looney (although Cooper does reference this possibility…), not some giant wolf, no. These walk tall on two legs and have shaggy Lupine heads. With a small budget, the practical effects aren’t the best around, but still serve the purpose quite well. Cinematography, setting, score, and performances create a great atmosphere of both mirth and genuine dread. I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is about this film, but whenever we get a brief glimpse of one of the creatures, be it a blood-soaked snout fogging up the window, or an out of focus reveal in the background, there is something so unnerving about these wolves. Somehow, “the little monster film that could” has tapped into something primal. I almost wish the direction had been tweaked slightly and the film had played this up more… Almost.
Just as the creatures hunt with a relentless pack mentality, the Squad has no quit in them either. Sarge is a hard as nails man of experience who sadly spends most of the action portion of the film on the sidelines after having his guts literally slashed out and then stuffed back in. He’s not afraid to die, and in fact takes several opportunities to order that he be left behind to give the rest a better chance of escape. Cooper is calm and cunning, he leads well in the absence of the Sarge but doesn’t seem comfortable in the role. During the siege on the cabin, Cooper mostly goes back and forth helping his lads in their skirmishes rather than standing and fighting by himself. And then there is Spoon. Fuckin Spoon! This is a scrappy little bastard with a penchant for smart quips. Between using a kitchen pit to bash snouts, hammers to dash fingers and genuine fisticuffs to combat the wolves, Spoon has not an ounce of quit in him, even down to his last words before being eaten.
There have been rumours of a sequel for years, and in recent times, even a few false starts…whether we ever see anything else from this property or not, this film stands as true original…that somehow borrows heavily from An American Werewolf In London, The Evil Dead, and The Howling. Werewolves in film can be so hit and miss, the bad is really bad, but the good is really good. This is a perfect example of a Werewolf film done right!
Anytime I mention this film to someone, I’m always met first with confusion, then vague recollection. “Event Horizon? No, I don’t think I know that movie”…” Oh yeah, that one, totally forgot about that…”. Admittedly, 1997 was not the greatest year for major studio Horror Films, with such releases as An American Werewolf in Paris, Leprechaun 4: In Space, and Alien Resurrection. This was the same year we got Scream 2 and I Know What You Did Last Summer firmly establishing the new wave of Teen Horror films. Say what you will, but for better or worse, they made money! We also got some great under the radar films such as Lost Highway, Cube, and Event Horizon. These last 3 films defy conventional classification and often are forgotten by fans…but never by Dr. Havok!!!
Event Horizon is essentially a Ghost story told aboard a derelict Space Ship, and makes use of the common tropes you would expect. We’ve got jump scares, ominous noises, bad CGI (although for the time it looked great!), and derivative script elements. How derivative you ask? Let’s just say I would bet good money that the last 3 films watched by the director prior to filming were 2001: a space odyssey, Hellraiser, and Alien. This isn’t a criticism, just an observation…the influences are worn proudly on sleeve throughout the feature, but if you are going to draw heavy influence from other films, that’s a damn fine list to select!
Everyone knows that the Event Horizon blew up on her maiden voyage seven years ago, it was the biggest Space Disaster in recorded history. So you can imagine the surprise when a distress signal is received from the Horizon in a decaying orbit around Neptune. During the journey, the designer of the Horizon briefs the crew that the EH was built to test an experimental Gravity Drive capable of faster than Light travel. Dr. Weir explains that the gravity drive opens dimensional portals between two points in space allowing the Event Horizon to pass through instantaneously. The Gravity drive functions by creating black holes which are used to rip holes in our dimension and…y’know what? I don’t need to pseudoscience to be totally sound, and nor should you.
Once aboard the Horizon, the rescue crew finds ominous logs left by the EH crew, mutilated corpses, and a ship that may in fact be sentient. Seems that when the ship jumps through these portals, it travels through a dimension of pure chaos and evil, not unlike hell. That should be spoilers enough for you, but the rest should be seen firsthand. The effects are well done, the score and tone are perfect, and the talented cast is full of enough “holy shit its that guy” moments to keep you entertained. Also, there is a blood orgy. Why don’t more films have blood orgies? I’m frequently asked “What are some good Horror Movies I should watch?”, and this is one of the films I often recommend. Do yourself a favor and check it out!
It wasn’t that long ago that i wrote about the Authentic feel of Grindhouse cinema being largely lost(https://doctorhavok.wordpress.com/2015/02/26/42nd-street-forever-bring-back-the-grindhouse/), and now Northwest Nightmares Entertainment decides to roll out a Festival tailor made for Doctor Havok! I’m egotistical as fuck, so I’m going to pretend the organisers are readers of mine and did this solely to please me, despite any and all improbability.
Due to scheduling conflicts, I was not able to take in the full festival, as I would have liked, so I had to pick carefully. Unfortunately I wouldn’t be able to catch anything on Saturday night because of my commitments to ECCW Wrestling, so that limited my viewing choices somewhat. Friday nights line up was 1985’s Demons (preceded by shorts “M” is for Montage, and Inder Nirwan), and 1988’s Brain Damage (preceded by shorts Pumpkin Spice, and Seeing Red), and concluded with Cannibal Holocaust (preceded by short El Gigante). Saturday saw screenings of Massacre: Mafia Style(1975), Gone With The Pope(1976), Trailer Apocalypse (a collection of trailers presented by Grindhouse Releasing), and Pieces(1982). I didn’t bother to find out which shorts were shown this day because…well, I knew I couldn’t attend. Sunday wrapped it all up by screening the 1980 schlock-fest Nightmare City (with short Say What!?), and Lucio Fulci’s 1981 classic The Beyond(preceded by short Fruit of Thy Womb). I wound up seeing Cannibal Holocaust, Nightmare City, and The Beyond. I bought some Blu Rays from the Videomatica booth, I won a “Demons 2” steelbook, I got some free posters and tips about upcoming festivals and genre screenings, and I got to talk to other genre fans. All in all, I would say that for a first outing, despite modest attendance, The Northwest Horror Show was a success!
Each film was presented in 35mm print, and as you can expect, the quality was seriously degraded. Scratches, distortions, breaks and patches in the reel were all on the menu…and it was incredible! It felt raw and dirty, just the way these films were meant to be viewed. The venue felt like an odd fit though. Maybe I’m biased, but The Rio would have felt more fitting for a show such as this. Hopefully this will be an annual event and the NWHS will grow bigger and bigger. I see no reason why this couldn’t expand to a weeklong fest, with panels, short film contests , seminars and more classic films. If we want to see more events like this, we need to contact the organizers and demand more! As always, check your local screenings and stay informed, because you never know what awesomeness might be playing near you.
Right, So awhile back i received an email from a chap who’s name I’ve forgotten and am far too lazy to look up, nor do i care to shame the man. He asked if i would be interested in reviewing a film he had been a part of creating, called Mutantis. He described it as an “old School Horror-Comedy/Sci-Fi gorefest”. It sounded promising enough, so I agreed and provided my address for a screener copy to be sent. Months went by and no DVD, and when i made attempts to contact this chap and inquire, I got no response. I had resigned myself to selecting something else that had been emailed to me by readers, but due to an email mishap, any and all fan submissions were lost. Fuck! Still the spectre of Mutantis lived on…so much so that my Girlfriend ordered the damn thing from Amazon, because she HAD to see it. I feel I need to say that I’m not mad at this afore mentioned chap, maybe a bit annoyed, but thats the way shit goes. At the end of the day I can’t complain about not receiving something for free, so I just need to assume that he didn’t give a fuck. So, Amazon comes through, we watch it that very same night…and it becomes painfully clear that NOBODY involved with this film gave any fucks at all.
Go ahead and watch the trailer…not only does it paint an accurate depiction of the film, but this brief glimpse is actually far more watchable than the film itself. Lord knows I am a fan of Campy Retro Horror films, and even the wave of modern homages flooding the market…but this is just too much. Far too often will I see a newer film trying to pay tribute to the cheesy gems of old by intentionally making a shitty movie, but they are missing the point! For the most part, filmmakers were trying to make the best film possible with their meager means, or had accepted the fact that their budget wouldn’t allow for much, so just had fun with it. Mutantis can only be explained as the filmmakers getting together a very small budget, and TRYING to make the shittiest film possible. The costumes are worse than the Peace River High School Drama Department(Highschool shout-out!), the acting is ridiculous, almost every actor is in bad drag for no reason, characters are played by multiple actors again for no reason, and all the dialogue is horribly dubbed in the most annoying way possible. Everything about the movie is designed to suck. There are poorly focused shots, heads out of frame, dialog exposition, colour grading issues, etc. Whatever can be done badly, has been done badly.
Mutantis itself looks appropriately crap, a throwback to the creature features of yesteryear. I’m reminded of the classic “It Conquered The Earth”. Nothing that looks like this can be taken seriously. The whole thing is laughable, and damn it all, i did get some laughs out of the film. Props to the writers for the inventive kills Mutantis enacts on its victims. Penis dismemberment, death by extreme fellatio, cunnilingual face mastication, titty chopping, this film has it all covered. Sure the FX are amateurish and cheap, but at least it’s not CGI (No way they could have afforded CGI gore…)and it’s quite gruesome and rather funny. You have not lived until you see a man die from an explosion of semen pouring out of his eye sockets and a giant monster penis bursting out the back of his head, let me tell you.
How do I feel about this movie? It’s harmless I suppose…at least it KNOWS it’s crap and doesn’t pretend to be anything else. I’ve recommended it to a few friends, but even then it was pretty much in a “Troll2” kind of way. Since the bar was set so alarmingly low for this film, it was easy for the filmmakers to achieve what they set out to do, so as long as you can keep your expectations similarly low, then this may be worth checking out.
Doctor Havok's Haunt of Doom 